Update: This was written 3 days ago. Have only just now seen it never published and was still in the drafts 🤷‍♀️

Maybe I was always just meant to do philosophy honours and phd lol… It was always the original dream… I want to be a storyteller… I’ve already been offered to apply for philosophy honours lol.. just figured it wouldn’t get me a job.. but I can never work more than causually anyway since I’m on disability for a reason..

Studying everything I wanted to study still sounds amazing but I still can’t shake the feeling that I’m just not smart enough. Nor can I handle the stress of exams clearly.

I honestly just feel so confused by everything right now.

But I get to see my mum on Tuesday for the first time in ages. Finally after so long she is due to arrive from NZ on Monday. She’s staying with my sister and her family. I know she’ll be tired and the kids are excited to see her. Gives me an extra day to hopefully feel better too.

I have to keep practising being in the now because I truly don’t want to think about university. I could never have believed that I could become someone to get so upset over a university exam or grade. But I became that person anyway. And I hate it.

So I clearly still have so much to figure out about myself. So much. It is never ending.