And I haven’t stopped crying all day

Mum has cut me off again

I really shouldn’t be all that surprised

I knew it was all too good to be true

Yet have absolutely no one to blame but myself

I was kidding myself I could help anyone

Help myself

I worked so hard but now it feels like for nothing

I can see what I need to do to rise above this

This feeling of such sorrow

I need to shower to change my sheets

Due to the night sweats and uncontrollable crying

Now I lay on my couch in my pajamas with my weighted blanket as my only comfort

Even Boss doesn’t want to come anywhere near me

I need to get up to do something

Yet it is all I can do just to type this

I let my mother get in my head so have cried all day feeling everything to the extreme

Really feeling my feelings

All without weed

I do a lot without weed quite frankly

Prescribed: inhale every 10 minutes up to 2 grams per day

If I followed the actual prescription I would get absolutely nothing done

I smoke maybe 0.5-0.7 grams a day

But my mother lost her shit once again not having a clue what she is talking about while at the same time telling me she’s not stupid

So I retaliated and said maybe if she hadn’t locked herself in her room for weeks on end throughout our childhood only to come out to tell us we should never have been born then maybe I wouldn’t have so many issues I need to deal with

Oh and that I absolutely do take all of my medication correctly except the weed because if I took it the way I’m prescribed to I would never ever ever get anything done

I definitely wouldn’t have a job or be working

Well soon to be not working I’m guessing because of all the daily bullshit I put up with you know all my own bloody conditions that put me on the disability at 26

But hey like everyone keeps telling me it’s ok to make a mistake it happens

This is true I obviously agree

Yet everytime I think about how fucking stupid I was it makes me feel like I can’t breathe and I’m drowning

And then the tears start

Now I have to go