So it’s been an interesting few days to say the least. It wasn’t until the tabs had kicked in the other night that i fully realised that I hadn’t left a day to sleep before having a shift at work. In fact throughout that evening, I realised that everything felt off so to speak. timeline wise. The Friday night I had originally planned to take a small amount of shrooms but decided against it. Yet it wasn’t until Saturday evening that I realised, I was all set up and ready for Friday night, my computer connected to my tv in the bedroom etc, yet I had not done anything to really prepare when I actually took them. I then had to take 10mg of Melatonin to help me to sleep.

I was exhausted when I went to my shift on Sunday. But I knew my client and I were going out for lunch so figured it would be ok. We ended up having breakfast instead since it was 11:30am we arrived at the restaurant. During our time there we talked like we always do, and caught up on what we had been doing since seeing each other last. I mentioned I had had my back tattoo worked on and she asked to see a photo which I showed her. She has seen a previous version before so I honestly didn’t think anything of it. And I really don’t know if I would have done things differently even if I hadn’t been so tired. She said she liked it and we then continued on with another conversation and had a lovely time. The shift went really well and both my client and her mum told me how happy and grateful they are that I am there to support my client. She was in a great mood when I finished and hugged me goodbye, telling me she looked forward to seeing me next week.

Once I got home I went straight to bed and put Netflix on. I was half snoozing, one eye half open when my client called me. I had spent some time during the shift teaching her how to use her mobile phone so I just figured she was calling to practice using it. Instead what happened next, I could never have predicted. She told me that she will no longer be working with me. I asked her what had happened since I saw her a few hours ago until now. She was yelling and swearing at me by this point and I was just so confused. Then she tells me she did not appreciate seeing my tattoo photo. I let her know I was going to call her brother as he was my point of reference and being Sunday there was only after hours available at work. I let her brother know everything that had just happened and he assured me that this does happen sometimes and that she will be over it in a few days.

Obviously I had to email my supervisor to let her know what had happened. I told her I wasn’t up to chatting yesterday as I wasn’t feeling myself, I didn’t even make it to class at uni yesterday. So she rung me about an hour ago. Unfortunately it does seem that this is not something my client is going to get over so I am no longer working with her moving forward. I just feel so stupid and upset and like i want to cry, because I would never intentionally hurt someone. I just don’t fully understand what has happened given the shift went so well. This client was also the only regular client i had at the moment. I am filling in for someone for two hours this afternoon and Thursday afternoon and then that is it until I am put forward for a new client, which could be whenever.

So now I’m sitting here at my table, surrounded with uni stuff, and needing to leave in am hour for my shift, but feeling so dumb. I truly believe every single happens for a reason, or for the sake of our higher selves. I even have this tattooed on my arm to remind me during times where I perceive something as going bad happening. This way I can remind myself it is all ok. I am also reminding myself that I know I am fully abundant, and that it is times like this where keeping the faith is the most important things. Especially when my lower vibrational side is trying to take over and tell me I’m a failure and will never be able to help anyone since I seem to continually just fuck up. I feel just sad and numb almost. I’ve taken valium since I need to be myself for the two hour shift starting in an hour and a half. I just need to make it throughout the rest of this day, until I at least make it back home before I completely break down and have a really good cry. Because that is exactly what I feel needs to happen.