I’m sitting here on my bed with my box of medications next to me and my pill box and boxes of meds everywhere. I happened to pick up a box that I hadn’t taken in ages. Celaxib 200mg. The instructions say to take one capsule daily. It’s a strong anti-inflammatory medication that was prescribed to me by the doctor I had been seeing locally for the past few years. She had prescribed this medication to me because she didn’t believe in prescribing stronger pain medicines to people.

Because I am so extremely honest, she knew that I had smoked ice in the past. That I had actually became addicted to it for various reasons which will be explained in another post, and she did not want me on anything stronger. I do understand her point of view, but I am living proof that people can change. I smoked ice for my reasons and those reasons kept me alive in the darkest of my days when I couldn’t not only leave my house but I couldn’t leave my couch, or even get in the shower. There were days or more correctly moths on end where I honestly felt like I was being ripped apart and all I wanted and screamed for, was for someone to take away my pain and please just kill me. So yeah I’ve been through a bit. I have plenty of stories to tell.

I do not believe in abstinence unless it is a drug like ice, heroin, and all extremely dangerous drugs. Not that anyone can ever really truly know when buying drugs on the street. But I am very much a believer that a person can have an addiction to something during a dark time in their life, without it meaning that all drugs, and alcohol will lead that person back to their addiction. If you are one of those people who know in your heart that you cannot have just a socially acceptable amount to drink, or to put it another way, a drink to have fun but not to hurt yourself, then yes, I fully understand and agree why being 100% clean [off drugs] and sober [alcohol] is the best option.

For myself I fully admit that I was addicted to ice. I do not however consider myself an addict. And I do not like the meetings [AA/NA] for the fact that you constantly have to say something like “I’m an addict…”. I will not say that about myself because I am not that person anymore. I knew I had to get clean for myself so that I could some how find a way to help others. I never went to rehab. Never saw doctors or went to meetings, yet I haven’t touched the stuff since the July 2016, even though i was smoking around the clock for the last couple of years. I also happen to very much believe that what you think is what you are manifesting. What you are reinforcing to yourself. I just cannot for the love of the Universe, understand why someone would want to constantly say that to themselves for the rest of their lives. But I guess this is just one those things I have to learn to accept that I won’t understand, because I have plenty of friends who do attend AA and/or NA meetings and they love them. So like I said, if they help you, then I am so happy you have found something that does.

Like I’ve said before I am prescribed cannabis now. Both CBD Oil and amazing specially grown for medical purposes cannabis flower that is sent to me. 30 grams every 30 days in a package labeled ‘URGENT MEDICAL SUPPLIES’. It costs a fortune but I’ll tell you what, I feel like one of the luckiest people ever since I had no idea this was even available. Yet with new doctors, new doors opened and here we are. And these doctors were not fazed that I had once smoked ice. Like I said, that was over 4 years ago and I am now a completely different person. But thats another story to tell.

So I have since packed up my box of meds and plan to finish the pill box tomorrow as I am absolutely exhausted from working all day. The point to this story is that I thought up until tonight that I was only meant to take the Celaxib during flare ups of pain. I clearly never paid enough attention to the label, or read it and then promptly forgot. The instruction label says to take one pill every day, which I honestly don’t remember seeing. So I have added them to the morning pill slots for the week starting tomorrow. I am now curious to know they do help when taken regularly. I guess the moral of this story is to always read the instructions on medications to ensure you are taking them correctly.