I made my daily video on my new camera this morning, but I can’t get it to transfer my phone πŸ˜©


6:49 pm My feet aren’t on the ground because when I am truly grounded, I feel everything. We are all connected. I didn’t have it tattooed on me because I think it’s cool … checks tattoo… nope, that’s not what it says 🀣🀣🀣

It says β™‘ We are all one

So, the same thing as what I thought, I just remembered my tattoo wrong πŸ€¦β€β™€οΈπŸ˜‚

Out of the following five quotes I want, Wittgenstein’s quote is by far the one I want the most; it’s just thatΒ  it’s also the one that I still haven’t memorised πŸ˜¬πŸ˜…

Though, on saying that, I very much want this very simple quote because, as it stands  at 6:54 pm on the 16th of March 2023 I still need all the help I can get 😝😘

Always come from love

I believe everything that I believe for a reason…

Hmmm

See, now there are so many thoughts and feelings. It’s time to feel them and put my phone away ☺️

In regards to the video on my camera, I’ll have a look at it later on, and if I can’t figure it out quickly enough, then I will again tomorrow πŸ˜€

I drove to my regular doctor’s clinic today on the other side of the city, 50 minutes or so on the way there and an hour and 15 minutes on the way home. I had to petrol before leaving. Putting petrol in my car is in my top three peeves πŸ˜†

I filmed my doctor’s visit, which I’ll upload before I go to sleep. After telling her all of the symptoms I’ve been experiencing lately, she took my blood pressure, and these were the results that she said were high β¬‡οΈπŸ˜¬

My doctor believes it’s almost certainly, maybe even wholly. I need to watch the video back, but that won’t be tonight, I don’t think πŸ€·β€β™€οΈ

I had to get several blood tests, two urine tests and an EKG. Since starting this post, I will admit I have gone down Google’s rabbit hole after typing in high blood pressure and pulse to find a chart that shows the different levels. My father had a heart attack quite early in hos life I believe. I have no idea of any of the exact details, simply because I just don’t remember. It was because he went through that and his doctor advising to let any biological children know since it makes us more susceptible to heart problems anywhere from late 30s onwards.

Part of me thinks I’m going to have to message him to the actual information about what exactly happened, but, I’m still just not really interested in having anything to do with him given I simply just don’t trust him after his all talk no follow through bullshit. I was 19 when he had major heart surgery. I’m 37. Not one part of me feels like I have a father. Not one. I gave him 18 years to actually be a parent. To be honest. To be real. To open up. Nothing. I got nothing but superficial bullshit. I am not interested. Period.

How’s that trying to make me feel like I have a “dad”? I wanted that. I got to a point where I did want that. I told him too. When he was here last year and we went out for dinner, and I shared my innermost deepest thoughts with them by sharing this website. Very simple to skip any posts they may not want to read based on the titles and pictures of the more x-rated ones. But I shared because all I have heard for 18 years is how sorry he was that I had to go through the childhood that I did and led to so many, if not all, of my wonderfully debilitating mental, physical and neurological health disorders.

Yet, even with access to learn everything he could about me, I was an afterthought once every couple of months. I understand that his parents are old and dying. We all get old and die. I don’t care how it sounds to the next person, and he didn’t bring them into this world; they bought him. People who think their kids owe them when they are old and frail are deluding themselves. I did not ask to be born.

So, I’m thinking based on the fact that all of that ⬆️ needed to come out, I won’t be messaging my father any time soon whatsoever πŸ˜†

I’ve been typing this and googling it for longer than I thought. I’m going to see the new Scream 6 movie playing in the theatres for work on Saturday, which I’m super excited about. It’s been literally years more than just covid since I’ve been to the theatre. 🍿

I knew I hadn’t seen the one before the one in the theatre but wasn’t sure about the one before that. I am very much a person who likes to watch all the movies in a series in order. I vaguely remember wanting to watch these movies just like this time some time since opening this website, but not finding anything at the time or changing my mind; I honestly don’t remember.

I have just seen that I did, in fact, thankfully, write the time I started writing this. Yes, there’s been pauses and google searches, though not many, and yet my phone has been in my hand while I type this. It’s 9:07 pm. I am going to share some pictures with information on the rabbit hole I went down 🀯

I nearly forgot πŸ˜† This time, when I searched for a streaming service that had all five of the Scream movies available for streaming, Paramount came up. Even better, seven-day free trial. Perfect πŸ₯³

I came home and did exactly what I always do, and that was come straight to my room, close my curtains and turn on my tv. As I suspected, my smart tv is too outdated to download the streaming app, so I logged in on my laptop to screen mirror it. I had to google once again because I forget every single time how to do it πŸ˜…

My pain levels were sky high and I absolutely needed to rest after being in my car driving for over an, my right knee felt like ot was broken. I had already decided I wanted to have a bong so went about doing that and sorting out the movie and responding to a few emails before getting comfy. So far so good lol

Amd really now when I think about what I was …

Nah, cut it Liv.

I paused the movie at 40:45. That is how it still is. I am almost positive, and if wrong, not out by much, that I paused it when I realised how distracted I was with my phone at the time I started this way back then when it was still daylight…

Hmm, ok, what do I want to remember in this moment about this story? πŸ€”

There was at least an hour, maybe an hour and a half, where I could have been working on my assignment. In fact I consciously thought of it because I went and grabbed everything I needed and have had it right next to me the entire time.

I think in all honesty when I really check in, what my doctor said combined with the fact that I have been very literwlly saying for some time now like I feel like I cannot breathe and I’m having to consciously remind myself to breathe all of the time. So many times throughout the day every day reminding myself to breathe πŸ˜ͺ

16th of March 2023

The pictures below are not diagnosed conditions. They are purely from where my imagination took me down the rabbit hole.

Time for food and to watch the end of the movie and go to sleep. I set three alarms this morning. I am going to keep doing that everyday besides Sunday from now on ☺️

First time ever, though I’ve often thought it, I have put all the information I need regarding the lap report and the readings into a binder. Well, having the readings as well as a reading guide has very much helped a lot in reliving the search for credible sources πŸ˜…

Time to upload my doctor’s video since I’m not sure I’ll get another made at this rate. Like I said in the title, I have made a video; I just don’t currently know how to share it. I have just realised that my video could have been uploading this entire time since I haven’t been watching anything writing this, and yet now I want to eat food and watch the rest of the movie…


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