I feel guilty canceling on my friend but just don’t think today is the right day to meet in person anymore ๐Ÿ˜ž

I’m still in my pajamas. I was lying on the couch with Boss and set 10 minute timer to snooze to help myself feel better while cuddling Boss.

I got up a few minutes ago to feed him and take my meds to try and snap myself out of this mood, but almost collapsed when my left leg gave out from under me. I’ve now fallen a number of times this week.

I can’t help but think of Saturday when it felt like everything was telling me to stay at home. I want to see my friend but I don’t want to be triggered and I’m already in a fragile mind frame. I just want to speak to my psychologist, which I thankfully have an appointment with tomorrow.

I have also tried convincing myself that I would be able to make myself go if it was a work shift but it’s not working because it’s totally different.

It’s 10:17 am and I’m lying on my bed under my weighted blanket wishing I wasn’t who I am since I can’t do anything right..

Who cares about future degrees and helping others. I’m a joke. I know it. Time to stop lying to myself that I’m anything else.

Guess I have to suck it up and let person know I can’t make it. Then I’m going back to sleep. Sleeping really is the only thing I truly enjoy these days.

God I wish I could just go home.

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