Day 427: 1st March 2023 | Crying once again due to the fact that I am always the one at fault πŸ˜’

1 Year, 2 months, 2 days.

I am so sick of feeling like everything I do is wrong. Sick of everything really.

I want to give up. Or at least on days like today when I just feel so alone and unwanted.

I should be on the road by now. Instead, I’m sitting on the couch next to Boss typing this while my tears dry.

I was so excited for today but right now I just feel sad. This sadness is different to how it used to be.

My soul longs to go home. Back to the universe as pure energy. I don’t want to be here on earth anymore. I’ve had enough. I don’t want to cry every day until I die.

9:03 am |Sitting on the couch with Boss still in my pyjamas. At least I’ve stopped crying. Haven’t managed anything else as yet. Ellie messaged me to tell me not to let this beat me and ruin my day, which is all well and good but if not feeling shit or sad or whatever was so simple all of us with mental health conditions would click our fingers and magically make ourselves better. I want to go and see my friend but I don’t feel excited or happy anymore about it. I don’t feel happy or excited about anything right now. I just want to go back to sleep. At least when I’m asleep this feeling of nothingness goes away. I didn’t want to meet my friend in person for the first time feeling this sad and empty. I just keep crying. I want to cancel but have had these plans for so long. All this because I can’t get up when my alarm goes off. And now I’m crying again. I just want to go back to bed πŸ₯ΊπŸ˜’

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