Day 383: 16th January 2023 | Part 2 | I really messed up the number of days on the earlier video ๐Ÿ˜‚

1 Year, 18 Days.

It is now 6:41 pm, and I saw that I really messed up the number of days earlier, which I figured might explain why I am struggling to take in a lot of the information. Though, I am happy to see that I am taking some in, which I realised while making this video lol

As my pain levels increase, it is becoming harder to ignore though the vape is helping, which is good. I don’t totally think I thought it through, deciding to stop all Targen pain relief at once. I am not saying I am never going to take it again, but I just really want to allow some time for me to get used to not using it again, which, of course means I must remember to keep being nicer to myself about ๐Ÿ™‚

Anyway, I need to make dinner. I think I will see how I feel after that, but I am thinking another early night and getting up at a decent time tomorrow morning is what I need to do.

Goodnight Everyone xx

Side note: I will add a thumbnail picture later ๐Ÿ˜† I just realized that I am probably the only one who cares if I do or don’t ๐Ÿคฃ

It’s 6:57 pm, and I am reading the slides for the recorded learning objectives while my hash browns cook. I’m going with super simple and easy tonight. I had two options to choose from, hash browns, fried eggs, and plain toast, or, boiled potato that I would have to wash, peel and cut before cooking and vegetables while only salt and pepper to season them since I’m out of Nutalex (vegetation and vegan butter) and gravy. That made choosing the first option super easy.

I keep thinking about how much cannabis I am actually prescribed. How I have never taken the amount prescribed. I think I only realised today that its been out of fear due to the internal restrictions that I have dealt with my whole life, number one, gaining my Mothers’ approval. I almost didn’t tell her today that I have decided to stop using the hardcore pharmaceutical drugs out of fear of her reaction to the fact that besides attending starting to attend weekly hydrotherapy and physio, I am also going to be increasing my cannabis intake. I honestly don’t vape even half of what I am meant to due to the level of pain I live with daily, and today I finally figured out why, I just think I am fully realising it in this moment. My Mum has constantly told me for year’s both before I was legally prescribed cannabis and since I have can you believe it, that I have felt guilty like I am doing something wrong. There is thc in my system 24/7 I am aware of this. That does not mean a person is “stoned” or “high” 24/7. These are two very different things. But that’s it. I knew I had somewhere along the way taken on a sense of guilt to use my vape the correct way, and I said as much to a phone on the phone earlier today, but I didn’t know from who at the time. But this is what makes the most sense because, in the end, I just didn’t mention the increase of cannabis to her. Our limited communication is all via text and it just wasn’t worth the risk of saying anything. And in the end I can see how I have been in fear regarding actually living according to my believes.

Talking to your camera and watching it back or journalist are great ways to help you learn more about yourself and if you are truly living according to your values. You don’t have to show a soul, I share so that I can hopefully help others see the positive effect in can have. I figure you have nothing to lose and everything to gain if you want to learn more about yourself โ™ก

57 seconds on the timer for my hashbrowns to be done and I’m still yet to fry the eggs and make toast lol which there is no vege butter ๐Ÿ˜…

7:18 pm

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