Day 338: 12th December 2022 | I am so emotionally drained πŸ˜₯

Content Warning | I am highly emotionally dysregulated in this video. Please be advised before watching…

And just feel so humiliated after yesterday that I am glad I never officially joined because I would be far too embarrassed to ever go after yesterday.

I should know better by now.

I am so easily triggered these days, I should never have accepted the invite in the first place πŸ˜”

But I am also mad. Mad that Victor wasn’t honest when I called and asked if he could help. The entire situation would never had happened. I would have walked home and let everyone know that due to the flat tyre I could no longer pick anyone up. This is not the first time I have felt like I’m being treated like some “silly little girl” due to the 37 year age gap. I didn’t think it mattered but am now questioning everything.

I am in so much pain. Every single part of me is screaming in agony. I am back in bed now and going to look for a movie to watch.

Hopefully by tomorrow morning I will at least be able to snap out of how mentally and emotionally shit I feel to at least get stuck into uni which I really need to do.

I guess that can be the silver lining for myself. Having absolutely no plans for Christmas, my Birthday or New Years means I can focus solely on getting through uni.

I am sick of feeling like I’m not good enough because I am on disability. I am disabled. It’s just that I’ve only truly been able to register that for myself recently.

Update: 3:06 pm | I’m in bed watching ‘The Most Hated Man on the Internet on Netflix. I did not even need to take valium due to being able to calm myself down, that is my win for the day ☺️

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