He was so clever and great with maths.

But mostly I just miss him always wanting to catch up and chat for hours via video call or in person.

I have his picture near my desk and smiling at it helps me remember that he would want me to finish this degree as calming as I possibly can. He always had faith in me.

Turns out most people who know me, especially in person, have far more faith in me and my ability than I do. It’s nice and yet completely frustrating at the same time because currently just being at my desk getting lost in the classes and seminars makes me feel stupid as fuck.

But, I have to do this. So, I have realised that I really am going to have to do whatever it takes to spend my weekdays mostly spent studying.

Our first quiz is next week and I am already so nervous since I have done the first quiz before, the last time I was enrolled in statistics and my brain decided it was out and I went blank exactly like I have always done since being a child.

But I am too close to finishing my degree to give up now. So, once I have watched the seminar, which starts shortly at 11 am, I am going to work out exactly what I need help with and book a study session for guidance on how to do well on the first assignment. I am paying $858 per unit and uni fees on top every single unit I do, so when I think about it like that, it is worth eating bread and Marmite for the next couple of months to pay for professional tutoring help. Especially since I literally have to pass this unit to be able to study in trimester one next year.

10:50 am | Time to get ready for the seminar. Well wishes and high vibes sent my way are ways welcome. Oh, and for anyone sending me bad thoughts etc, I have surrounded myself in white light and love to counteract anyone who tries. You know who you are. The voices in my head are enough without someone being an absolute jerk commenting on everything to try and ruin my day. As soon as I have time, I will finish reading the comments I started reading yesterday and then you will be blocked. You did this to yourself. You know this.