I don’t know why this is happening 😭

I’ve had two valiums, yet still a massive mess of uncontrollable tears. I had to walk away from my desk. I am lying on my bed with my new lavender teddy since Boss always leaves me when I cry. Guess he knows I’m a pathetic loser too.

I wish I had someone I could turn to and ask for help but I don’t. Talking actually won’t fix anything in this situation, tutoring will.

Sometimes I really wish I had never gone to university. I wanted to be someone. I wanted to make a name for myself, and help as many people as I could stay out of the darkness, that has been consuming me most of my life. Just turns out, I’m still very much in the darkness myself.

I’ve stopped crying which is nice, but I am not interested in looking at uni anymore.

Since deciding that I can’t join Toastmasters until I have finished uni, I guess I will stick what I was already doing. Focusing on uni and sleep. And fitting in a few hits of tennis. Other than that though, once again university has completely broken me and in doing so bought so many dark and dangerous self harm urges with it. So, really right now, the only thing I am focusing on is not acting on them.

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