Day 321:15th November 2022 | Trying to process the information download that has been thrown at me 😦

And struggling to do so. I have already spent so much time in therapy processing the information I knew at the time but this is next level. I honestly don’t know how to feel right now actually that’s not true, I feel sad and confused 😥

But I hold onto the lessons that come with most interactions in life and I can now clearly see where I went wrong and why I have no intention to ever work in a private mental health, lived experience support worker type of role again because I care too much. I put my everything into making my clients lives as good and happy as I possibly can, often at the expense of my own health and pain and exhaustion levels.

I can’t talk about anything in detail without my therapist with me because I spent months working through how I felt the first time I had the rug pulled out from underneath me, but this time it’s my fault because I reached out to this person and once again I couldn’t get him to understand how busy I was and that my emotional cup is literally empty yet he convinced me he had to see me straight away so arrived around 1 pm and left at like 9-10 pm.

But I think more than anything I’m in shock. I feel stupid and used and hurt and once again have achieved nothing. It is 9:34 pm and I’m in bed.

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