Day 215: 1st August 2022 | Part 2 | OMG I ended up bawling my eyes out again!😭

I had to talk it out but couldn’t reach anyone to talk to in person, so I took two valiums and talked to my camera like I always do.

I did talk to Rachel, Faith and Graham via messages before talking to my camera, but I was in pretty bad shape and felt terrible for dumping my problems on them. Though, they all gave great advice and were incredibly supportive and kind.

I realised that I think it’s anger I am feeling towards myself. I was angry for not being prepared when I had months to study before starting back at uni. Anger at already being behind on content and then having days like yesterday where I literally had to walk away from all of my uni work due to having severely bad and fast, I was spiralling into my darkness.

Rachel also pointed out that I am constantly telling myself that I can’t do this, that it’s too hard and that I no longer care about my grades because I don’t want to do any future degrees, which in actual fact, is not valid, because I do care.

Anyway, talking this out has helped, like it usually does, and since the valium has now definitely kicked in, I am in a better place to continue with what I have to do.

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