I feel so alone.
Constantly having to validate myself is hard sometimes.
I feel like I must have this invisible tattoo on my forehead that says”Loser! Stay Away!” and everyone can see it but me.
I keep trying so hard to be a good person but it never feels like enough.
I don’t want to think about killing myself every day for the rest of my life. It’s just too hard.
Everybody leaves eventually. I’m the problem. I know this. I just don’t know how to fix it.
So I cry in my bed alone at 6:28 pm because I will always be alone. I know this. Most of the time, I can deal with it, but some days I can’t.
I am in so much pain which just makes everything so much worse. Right now I’m just waiting for the valium to kick in, so Boss doesn’t run away again. Even he leaves me when I’m sad.
Guess that just proves no matter what I do it won’t be enough.
I am only 36. I don’t want to think about dying every day. And yet, here I am, in bed, in tears, with all the different ways I can make this feeling stop, permanently, running through my head 😭😭