Even though I know it’s not true .. I can’t help but feel so insecure about what I can say to people anymore because of my “severe trauma” ๐Ÿ˜ญ

Just thinking about it makes me cry.

I know not to dewl on it and move on from it.. it’s just that there’s one small problem with that…

How do I know what I can and can’t say anymore?

I finally felt like my true authentic self. I was happy and confident. But once again I’m back here in bed at 5:49 pm, in tears, scared of who I can say what to anymore. I have so few friends and now I’m scared f being honest. I didn’t know that my trauma came through so bad. Even if that bitch lied, how does anyone honestly think that saying that to someone isn’t going to make their trauma so much worse.

I’m doing everything I’m supposed to. Taken valuim, put Friends on, had some vape, checked the facts like my psychologist has taught me, so why am I crying?

Every time I go to talk to a friend on chat, all I can hear in my head is “you have too much trauma. Everyone else will leave too”.

I don’t know how to be anyone but me. But 36 years old and people have been dropping me my whole life. I’m the problem. I’m always the problem..

I don’t get it. The closer and more real my dreams become in reality, I should be jumping for joy, yet have literally nt got dressed all day and am now back in bed.

Making sure I write whatever I need to here instead of talking to others in my real life. There’s not many left ๐Ÿ˜ข๐Ÿ˜ญ

At least I managed to make dinner

Better than a bong I know ๐Ÿ™„

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