Day 89: 28th March 2022 | Part 4 | I have to give the puppies back when dalmatian arrives πŸ˜«πŸ˜­


Possible Trigger: I am smoking a joint β™‘

Perspective! Damn I just remembered that I went to say something about it then forgot ..

I am so proud of the fact that I deleted the message I wrote in the moment. I was shaking in anger and understood I’m not very nice when I’m that angry.

But eventually I calmed down enough to reply in a better way. Which I am absolutely bloody grateful I did. She used the πŸ˜‚ on it and I remember thinking.. it really is about perspective. She found it funny. I most certainly did not. Yet now as I think this, I realise, I say a awful lot that I find absolutely hilarious; but I guess maybe others do not πŸ˜… but I if that is the case just don’t view my content πŸ˜‰πŸ€£

I have working on not reacting in the moment. It’s hard when you have borderline personality disorder. My Psychologist told me the reason the Psychiatrist said I no longer meet the criteria for the BPD diagnosis, it’s because severe Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder apparently overrides that diagnosis. I’m still getting my head around it.

Update: I am considering today a win. Even though I feel sad and flat, today I still changed a behaviour that I have been working on trying to fix for as long as I can remember. I unfortunately can feel proud and like a failure, two completely contradicting emotions, at the same exact time. I think today is a day where I had a number of big things things to overcome and I handled them as well as I did in the moment. Truthfully I think for some reason I just need to cry. To release something. I’m not totally even sure what. But I have teared up so many times since I cried aa little before making this video and writing my posts. 11:17PM.


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