Day 59: 26th February 2022 – I now understand why people are always saying “relax”! πŸ™„

For as long as I can remember, people have always told me I need to relax. Constantly. Even though I always said I was relaxed. Being told this all the time drove me mad..

But then last night, while lying on my bed, it was like all at once I became conscious of how tense my body was. And that feeling has stayed with me. It honestly feels like this must be what everyone else has noticed and been commenting on and yet my mind has only now just registered how much tension there really is throughout my body. Especially my legs. Everything hurts sooo bad!

According to Google, anixety is likely the cause, but 1) I don’t feel anxious about anything. Well not consciously anyway, and 2) people have been saying this my entire adult life, which means I’d have to be in a constant state of severe anixety and I don’t know how that could be the case without being aware of it.

I guess I will need to make a doctors appointment to see what I can do. I’m thinking a massage would be great so might look into getting one. How aware I am now of this tension has increased my pain levels quite a bit. I’ve just taken meds so hopefully they start helping soon.

Rachel popped past on her way to work. I gave her some bud and pinched a bit of tobacco off her to roll a joint or chop a bong mix. I have no idea why, since, I haven’t touched any weed today, yet, can almost guarantee that I’ll have either at some point this evening..

Not having a tv is definitely a little strange but it’s only day 2 without it and I can already see just how much time I wasted watching it.

I have just enrolled for three out of my last four units remaining for my degree. The fourth unit is in Trimester One next year so it is not open to enrol for as yet. My Personality unit textbook is lying open next to me, as I was been reading it when I decided to make this video.

The only other thing going on is that my neighbours have turned their back shed into some sort of smoking / gaming room, which means, not only is their cigarette smoke drifting in my windows, so is the smell of burning ice. Anyone who has smoked ice knows what I am talking about. I am seriously so happy I am in such a great place and have no interest in it, because my most heightened sense is smell. I have an extremely sensitive nose. Too the point I often tell strangers they smell nice if I notice it when waking by. As I am sure most people can tell, I tend to say what I think before taking a moment to pause..

Anyway, it’s hot and muggy in Melbourne today. I cleaned my house and my t-shirt was sticking to me with sweat so I ended up just going topless for hours. Thankfully it’s much better now ☺️

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