I’ve decided to binge watch Killing Eve, then cancel Netflix  and Stan and give my tv power cord to a friend 🙃


I think last night has shown me more than I even realised. I actually like being sober. I definitely achieve more when I am.

Seeing a full, melted, good quality from the looks of it, packed ice pipe for the first time in 5 years has definitely intrigued me. For lack of a better word.

I’ve been trying to remember if I actually picked it up. Which sounds strange even to me, but as soon as I was home alone, literally while making the video, which even I think makes me look paranoid lol I couldn’t remember if I had touched it. But I did. The memory has come flying back as I write this.

I am a very fascinated person. I am curious about everything. Hence, I ask so many questions. I have never understood why people find me strange just because I like to ask questions. How else do you learn about other people..

Anyway, last night was no different. When he pulled the pipe out of his pocket and put it on the table, I was interested in why there was sticky tape on the top of the bowl as I’d never seen that before. He explained it was so nothing got in and ruined the ice and asked me if I’d ever dealt with it in the past. Which, I obviously have, so I shared a story of my own. Not one I have the energy to write out now but I will share. Maybe when I make a video at some point today.

As I’ve said, it’s been so long since I last smoked ice (24 July 2016 – 4:30AM) or had it in front of me. Plus I have been treating this whole ‘ice situation’ as more of an experiment than anything. But please, whatever you do, don’t do what I do, and if you’ve never touched ice, please stay away from it. If you have or still currently are and want someone to talk to about it, feel free to comment on my post, as I approve or disprove all comments before I make them public.

So, curiosity did get the better of me. It usually does, hence going along with the others ‘smoking crystals out of  glass pipe’ without much more thought than that, that went with it. I had lost my corporate job, dream home, money, family, told I’d never work again and by this point, when handed the pipe, I just didn’t care.

Thankfully, I care a lot now. So much so that when I asked if I could look at it, I picked it up and looked at it, a bit like a child might a new toy. (🤣🤣🤣 my ability to put looking an ice pipe in the same sentence as a child and their toy). I was able to hold it and look at, while feeling no want for it, before giving it back to him, which he then moved out of sight, under Sebastian’s skin.

Lol I just checked the title of this post again because it’s gone a completely different way than I thought it was going to. But I think I’ll keep it the same anyway, because the whole point of this post is that I want to binge watch this show, which is fantastic, so that I can just stop making excuses to myself and start putting in the work I need to so I can achieve what I set out to, when I decided all those years ago that I was going to quit smoking ice completely and do so completely by myself. I smoked all day every day for years. Amd then I quit. Without ever stepping foot in a detox centre, rehab or meeting.

Which all boils down to a simple thing. I can obviously quit tv and weed for awhile to focus on what I quit ice for in the first place.

My purpose here. I know what it is. It’s juat time to completely step up. Even though it’s going to shit my ego to tears, like giving up meat in the beginning, I know that everything is happening for a reason, for my higher calling, for my Higher Self ♡


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